


The Choosening

by CosmicCove



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, I'm so sorry oh my god im so sorry, Religion, this is probably heresy or blashemy im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:55:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26227534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmicCove/pseuds/CosmicCove
Summary: A story about a girl who becomes an archangel idk I did it for the meme.  It's good for world building I guess.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	The Choosening

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Alec but not the one AO3 tried to tag. if that Alec sees this I'm sorry I did not mean to!](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Alec+but+not+the+one+AO3+tried+to+tag.++if+that+Alec+sees+this+I%27m+sorry+I+did+not+mean+to%21).



> I wrote this for my friend Alec.  
> .  
> Alternate title: I So Sorry Mom and Dad and Every Pastor I've Ever Had  
> .  
> Warning: This work (playfully!) pokes fun at religion, so if that bothers you, don't read. It also (unplayfully) pokes fun at those who white wash Jesus. if that bothers you then fuck you, Jesus isn't white and never was.

“It is Choosening Day!” our pastor announced from his podium. He launched into a speech that I probably should be paying more attention to, but I know the speech by heart already. Even though Choosening Day only happens once every five hundred years, there are many historical records, and in my strict study of The Word, I have read about them all, some multiple times! 

Choosening Day is the day God chooses one out of everyone from the church on Earth and brings them up to heaven to him to become his new Archangel. This has been going since the days of Michael, the very first to be chosen. 

We all know, after all, that being both human and angel is the highest honor among both humanity and angel-kind. Just ask my friend Cindi; she’s an angel, after all. She has always wanted to be an Archangel, but sadly, angels cannot become human, only humans to angels. Since I’m her best friend, she wants me to be the Archangel instead. 

That won’t happen. Sure, I am kind, loving, happy, and have been told by our pastor many times that I am a prime example of the beatitudes and the fruits of the spirit, but I’m also bland. My general aura of boringness just is a complete turn off for anyone considering to be my friend. Yes, I have hobbies and interests; I love painting and bird-watching! It’s just that I feel awkward whenever I have to talk to someone. Even in a quest for the pure hearted, I’m sure God would want a girl who is a little less plain to be his archangel. 

Our pastor’s speech ended with him raising his arm to the sky, and announcing, “Let the choosening commence!” as is custom for any choosening. Most non-believers think that we cheer after an announcement like that, but we go dead silent. We don’t want to miss the choosening because of the noise. 

Suddenly, I heard cheering. Why? I didn’t see the chosen. And then the people around me stepped back. I tried to step back too but they put up their hands as if scared. 

I didn't know what was happening. I was enveloped in a white light. "Am I dying?" I wondered. Then, I heard the music. Music that makes you feel like your very soul is being purified and that you’re floating- because it is and you are. At that moment, I knew what was happening. Ascension. I was ascending. God had chosen me. In retrospect, it should have been apparent from the beginning of the ascension process, but panic messes with your head, it really does. 

Now's the part where people cheer and wave, as the chosen- me -is carried into heaven by God’s sacred light. My parents and friends are below me, proud and crying and screaming their goodbyes, but the sound of their voices gets drowned out by the music blasting in my eardrums, and the bright lights and people aren’t helping. I feel like I’m going to burst into tears, but I do my best to smile and wave, although my voice has been carried away by how overwhelming it all is. 

There are other strange feelings too. It’s not necessarily painful, but I feel uncomfortable as I feel something seem to grow out of my back, and soon ash gray feathers are falling away from me. I know that angel wings can be different colors already. Although pure white and vanta black are considered the prettiest (and are rarest), I’m content. Out of all the grays, ash is very beautiful in my eyes. It reminds me of ash Wednesday. 

I’m carried up and away and through a cloud, and as a puff back out of the top of the cloud, I’m in a grassy field, outside of a city surrounded by golden walls. There are rivers all around. I think I’m in the new Jerusalem. In that case, I need only follow the rivers, because they all meet at the throne. 

I follow them like my studies have advised, and there He is. God’s too wonderful to describe. By his side is Jesus, who is easier to describe due to his humanoid form. He had dark skin and hair, which proves those who say that people have a tendency to whitewash Christ are right. Jesus isn’t and never was white. 

"Come my child," God called softly. 

I am filled with love, the kind of love that only God can express for us. I approached him meekly. "Here I am, lord." I paused a moment, wondering if I should ask him the question burning in my mind. 

"Why me, lord?" 

"Why?" God laughed, "Why, isn't it obvious?" 

Before he could finish, Jesus chimed in, "Your vibes are immaculate!" 

"Yes my son," God agreed, "I couldn't have put it better myself." 

I was shocked. God loved my vibes? I smile, blushing, “Thank you father.” 

“You will make a most spectacular angel,” Jesus says, and he smiles at me. His smile fills me with a warmth and the taste of honey. The love of God is so much purer than any mortal being could ever know… 

“Haven’t seen one like her since Peony, have we?” God chuckles, and Jesus also laughs and agrees. “Call her in.” 

I know who Peony is. She was the 21 chosen. I can’t believe I’m meeting her. 

“If you play your cards right, you might even get to meet Michael,” Jesus tells me, and I swell with pride. I can’t believe Jesus sees that in me! 

Then, peony swoops down before me, her cream colored wings somewhat smudged with grass stains. She offers me her hand. I take it. Am I dreaming? I know with every breath I am not. 

“Come, little sister,” she commands, taking flight with my hand still in hers. I take off after her, holding her hand tightly so as not to get lost. I can’t believe I’m an archangel now! And as a student under Peony! Talk about a dream job!

**Author's Note:**

> The meme this story is based on. I'm serious. https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=ascending+spongebob+meme&docid=607990979280964410&mid=196761773BE321274E94196761773BE321274E94&view=detail&FORM=VIRE  
> This is the music she hears as she ascends btw. Alec made that call.


End file.
